Let me introduce myself

Let me introduce myself

My soul name, the

Name they called out

From the roll of the

Living when we responded

And became alive in

This world.

I am Adam, I am the

Soft falling rain that walks in,

Casting a veil across the vulgar

Mundane, wetting one and all

From crown of head to

Dank jeaned legs, I am

All this and more.

I am man with his

Complexities, I am my own

Truth, not yours or yours,

Or even yours, but mine

Though you might struggle to

Accept this, or attempt to

Translate me into a pale

Version of yours, I am mine,

In my language, it is

My song that I ring out

From the trees that greet me,

Old friends, never

Aged, never lost but always

Here, our friendship always

Here.

I am the man who seeks

The lost boy, the boy sent

To his room a long time ago

Too much, or not

Enough or just

Too much trouble

With everything else going on.

I sense him when I feel

These ripples of unbridled

Pain that course through me

Unbidden, unwanted and yet

There, Gleaming, goading,

Yearning for me to descend into

Self brutalisation.

Ah yes, that I know well,

The welts across my beauty

The scars that tell a tale of

Barbarism, self against

Saddened self, not

Knowing, not feeling, never

Being except hurt.

And.

This is the boy who

Clambers out sometimes,

Unwelcome, unlikeable by

Those who see him. Except

I love him.

I love him.

It has been some

Time, some time since I've

Had the opportunity

To see and

To love him in

His beauty, his pain,

His anguish to become

Returned to life, to

Be restored alongside

The throne that sits so

Bare, so silent, so

Sullen in its disdain.

I love him and welcome back

The wounds he suffered

Through

Perhaps

Love or through

Something else

Perhaps,

This does not matter

Whence they came

Perhaps

But rather where they

Perhaps

Lead to and who they

Perhaps

Become of a life that

Sits dormant

Perhaps

Or at least

Unfulfilled.

He had so much

Promise, such gifts to

Bring and yet they sit

Buried, untold,

Gifts remain ungiven

And the life left

Unlived.

Let me introduce myself,

Me in my brokenness, that

You would prefer remain

Averted from your eyes.

Me in my woundedness

That would threaten you

In your triumph,

Me on my throne of

Divinity that wants to

Become and yet remains

Concealed. 

No, not yet,

Not yet to the rushed

Closure of climax but

Rather dig down, delve

Deep, shine the bright

White light of this sun

On this being and this

Suffering that won't

Release for a few

Sordid notes on the

Page but wants to be

Seen and sobbed and

Mourned.

The lost boy. That

Beautiful, sweet difficult

Lost boy who gave away

His sensuality and his

Defiance to become sweet,

Nice and gentle.

Of that boy who

Wouldn't do what he

Was told, wouldn't 

Be a good boy

Would satisfy his

Own desires first.

That boy who slipped

Away under the assault

Of rage and disdain and

Rejection.

I summon you back, some

Dark and dirty beast of

Within who scares the

Folk and chills the men

Into respect

Or fear

And cares not which.

That slithering stench

Unwashed and bleached

Pale in the distant dark

Of nearly 50 years

Stunted, twisted,

Slouching toward

Bethlehem to overturn

That innocence which

Lays incomplete, to couple

With the divinity that

Sleeps guarded by the

Saintly and so become

That which is whole

Complete,

Entire.

The uncastration of the

One who was brought into

This world for more

Than fucking thrones

Or a kingdom of peace

And joy.

The reclamation of my

Self, the soft gentle

Rain, the veil across a

World, the uncaring

Embodiment of a power

Rent unspeakable by the

True Word, that swifts

Along to writhe in pain.

This pain. This most

True tell of that

Which matters.

My true name is

Pain, is wonder,

Is veiled truth and

Beauty, it is

Discord and disdain for

Those who would

Contain and control

And diminish,

For I am infinite

I am everything, I

Cannot be kept

In a box, in the

Dark and be

Ignored.

Let me introduce myself.

My true name is that

Which you too turn

Away from, in horror,

You too avert your eyes from,

You too seek to

Dismiss as you pursue

That beauty which abides.

Like a fist to the face

I cannot be ignored

And it is lächerlich to 

Watch you try in

All your grand pomp

And finery and love

For humanity.

This humanity you

Do not love, will not 

Love, this humanity will

Hunt you down.

Let me introduce myself.